remembering june

He shared the beef jerky with his family, and right then I knew they had my heart. 

We were told we couldn't eat the fruit so we stole the chocolate. (in our defense we didn't know we stole it until after)

The bathrooms never worked and you made fun of my hearing.

We climbed the mountain and I got a sweaty back.

We slept on the roof and tried to talk all night. 

We spent every minute of everyday together for two and half weeks.

I was friend zoned while you went on a sunny vacation and we passed bricks.

I have never been more grateful for ice cold drinks and cement mixers because being friend zoned and the friend zone song you sang me made my june one I will never forget. thank you.

also ... RIP to the dog we named brick.

what i couldn't get out before

I've always been the middle child.

Not just with my family but everywhere. It's a disease. The "I'm not loved but I'm not hated" disease. Before I begin, let me get this straight, most of the time I AM NOT COMPLAINING. It's pretty nice not having to check in 24/7 and be able to walk in past curfew unseen because they both fell asleep. Trust me I realize it's nice. but@ the same time the tramp has gotten old. Sleeping there one to many times because they forgot I was out and locked the doors thinking they were keeping the bad guys away.

me - "Dad I'm sick."

dad- "Drink a glass of water and go to sleep."

brother- *coughs once*

dad- *schedules 2 doctor appointments just to make sure everything is ok*

That's how it goes. My body has learned and my immune system has probably never been better. I think I am more prepared then they are. I try to help by making broccoli and carrots for dinner. Her new job has helped our home and I believe that I am actually feeling better but...

My sickness has now spread to my school. Teachers were different sophomore year then they are now. I don't know if they are scared of big senior me or they think I'm contagious. They see the disease sitting on my shirt and think if they acknowledge me then they'll catch it. but YOOHOOOO I'm over here and my shirt is clean. I promise you can ask me anything. Ask about my brother it's ok that you care. Ask me what I did this weekend or what I want for my birthday. Ask me anything you want just not nothing at all. I want to be known for me and not her. I want to feel like them &be recognized for my strengths and weaknesses. I want you to criticize me sir because this silence is louder than any harsh words. I'm done sitting in my desk letting this disease kill me.

Mr. I've been sick for sometime now and this time I don't think water and sleep will cure it.

true love

makes me happy

comfortable

is there for me through heartache

gives me heartache

dependable even@3:30 in the morning

absolutely can't live without















I think I have found the one. <3<3333<3

right now

1:18 PM

-my stomach is louder than my thoughts

-i'm suppose to be there...but i'm not

-she probably just lied and is with "him"

-it's 86 degrees

-i will probably wait about 7 minutes to reply to this text

4:32 PM

-i'm listening to the ping pong ball bounce as background music to my little brothers whining

-gravity is pulling me down

-i want the chocolate milkshake from purple turtle that is sitting in my fridge

-she is stuck there listening to all 99 complaints

-i'm waiting for a punishment because this time i know i'll be in trouble

5:45 PM

-my dad's voice just cracked and i laughed

-thousands if not millions are on their phones texting

-there is war&pride

-i wish i knew how to talk about love

-he's looking in the mirror

9:09 PM

-somebody just missed the bus

-i just woke up from a nap

-they just shared the big news

-someone is laughing histarically upstairs

-my top lip hurts

10:43 PM

-i can't go back to sleep

-his status just went from engaged to single

-i am envious of my sister's looks

-lines are being made and crossed

-i am eating goldfish

1:30 AM

-curfew is being broke

-a prayer was answered

-the moon is a waining crescent 

-I am not tired 

-fruit snacks are against the rules

4:44 AM

-I am tired

-I am tired

-everyone else is asleep 

-I am tired

-I am tired

8:56 AM

-my feet hurt

-I'm so bitter towards all the happy people in life

-she doesn't get any fruity pebbles 

-she realized it was a one night stand

-there is a stranger sleeping on my couch

7:04 PM
-i'm back. 11 hours, a needed nap,  &food
-listening to "Another Story"
-i hate love
-mother is driving me crazy
-is the first day of fall.:) and that makes me happy

writing my scars

I fell hard last night. 

You may think my eyes are weak but no I didn't cry. I didn't cry when my great grandma died. Nor did I when the whole theatre laid sobbing with hazel grace in her bed. I didn't cry when she yelled at me in front of my friends. I couldn't get myself to cry for the cop so he would see I was human. &humans sometimes make stupid mistakes. (i really don't like to talk about stuff like this) I promise you officer I am human. I cried when my crush called me fat. We were only ten but my scar is permanent. I'm reminded of it every morning when I look in the mirror. There it is, sitting on my hips. Laughing at me just like he did. It still makes me cry. Officer I cried when I heard the news. I missed 2 whole class periods sitting by that pond. If those ducks could talk they would tell you. I cried when she kissed him. I cried when she wasn't excited for me. I cried because I was oblivious and never raised my hand in class. I cried when I passed up the tango. I cried in front of my teacher once please sir you can ask her. One time I cried so hard because they made me laugh. That's usually most of the time but the point is, I am human. 

I know I'm human because I get bumps and bruises. I have to use a smartphone to think. &I sometimes have to go off treats. I know I'm human because I'm self conscious in skirts. I can't blow my nose in front of a crowd &I scribble when I yell at my paper. 

(I've used this human talk with cops many times before and I learned it never works. being human is an excuse and knowing that makes me one I guess.)

thank you officer. 
won't do it again. 
have a good night.

Brahma Momma.

Brahma Bull:

A breed of cattle imported from India. Horns usually curve upward and are sometimes tilted to the rear. Brahma cattle are known for their extreme tolerance to heat. 

CAUTION: GETS AGGRESSIVE WHEN AGGRAVATED

Mother:

A worldwide breed of human. Specifically made for making more(children, sandwiches, ect..) Moms are known for their extreme ability to protect, overprotect, and nurture their offspring.

CAUTION: WILL DEFEND CHILDREN @ ANY COST

Brahma Momma:

A mix breed of human & bull. Usually in the form of a Homo sapien, but have been spotted in bull form on rare occasions. Known for their extreme tolerance to heat and OVERPROTECTION of offspring.

CAUTION: GETS AGGRESSIVE WHEN CHILDREN ARE AGGRAVATED

I think I saw my mom turn into a Brahma Momma yesterday. 

I bet you Jacqueline K was one. 

I doubt Kris Jenner.

I think Katharine Hepburn, and Florence Thompson both were one too.

but not so much Brit Spears and Dina Lohan.

I even bet Rhonda is a Brahma Momma sometimes. &same with the queen.

Skin-walkers and shape shifting scare me.

lottery

"I won the sun in the lottery but I didn't want it because nothing is ever good enough for me." -RT

crayola

Physically the world in which we live is very colorful. Blue skies. Green Grass. Yellow transportation cars that we trust to get our children places. One eyed one horned flying Purple people eaterzz. Orange and Black who hold each others hands while spooking the world on a certain scary night. Gold is initially what makes the world worth while. White is expected for the color of a smile. Brown chocolate with Pink balloons makes February 14th pretty sweet. Not that I would know but I saw it in a movie once and it felt cheesy but right. Red to our nation is a symbol of "hardiness & valor". (Personal opinion but I see Red as weakness, losing something you once possessed.) 

Colorful things and Colorful people. 

My old neighbor Ray is White. You wouldn't think so when you watched him on the court. but nothing was wrong about Ray. He was pure and clean. When I grew up I knew who I wanted to be. 

I won't say names but she is definitely Red. She loses herself so quickly it scares me. 

Lauren is a soft Pink. She loves so sweetly and is so willing to give. 

Ironic that Justin's favorite color is Purple. #gaypride I think he looks like a girl. 

Braydo I believe is Orange. I haven't decided if it's because I see him around that color too much or because his personality is so bouncy and bubbly. Probably both. 

My best friend is Blue. Her funny personality is as crazy and unpredictable as waves hitting California's shoreline. The secrets I'm told NOT to tell are hidden in the depths of my blue best friend.

The family down the street is the typical Alpine, Gold. I shouldn't explain myself here so fill in the blank. _______________________________________________.

I had a friend once who walked and talked Brown. Just the aroma surrounding and the thoughts inside were dirty. Nothing but sh!t came out of that boys mouth. 

That girl last year in math... yeah she's Black. Thank goodness looks can't kill. 

"Sausage" is Yellow. She took the color test to prove it. Not to mention she has beach blond hair, a glowing smile, and a radiant personality. She was one that was blessed. Me and my Brown haired sis sometimes hate her for that. 

My daddy is Green. Through wind, hell, and rain he still stands. Just like that tree. I look up to this man more than anything on earth. &for that my favorite color is Green.