tall walls and warm spaces

Hello My Heart,

How have you been? 

You still there 

inside my skin? 

I've been worried. 

I haven't felt anything for awhile & you had me worried. 

Maybe it's this dang cough or maybe it's because I refuse to take you running 

but whatever it is

                                                                                                                             

 I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for the walls. 

I built so many because I wanted to keep you safe.  

safe.

safe wasn't suppose to be lonely.

safe was suppose to save you from the bruises.

safe was suppose to protect you from those teenage boys 

... and girls

safe was going to keep them away and let them not get away.

safe.

safe was the answer.

& i'm sorry because i'm weak and i played it safe. 

but safe was warm.

 and I wanted to stay.

...

It snowed today and I am cold now.

Our fireplace doesn't work and I am cold now.

They left this morning and I am cold now.

my mom told me to go run today,

& I still didn't listen.

I'm sorry I don't take you running.

Maybe this year when january comes around it'll be different.

It's cold now 

but

 it will be different.

Sincerely,

me