roll the film

rewind. 

looking up at the tops of trees as you drove, 

wondering how on earth i could be this comfortable 
upside down. 

play a little further back and see me picking you up from being with her. 

stop it, the tape is getting tangled,

just like your long hair used to.

it's messing up the picture and now it's on repeat. 

playing over and over and over, 
screaming in my ear

fast cars & lips

My little brother (eight by the way) sat me down and gave me a talk I will never forget. He called it

how to get a boyfriend. 

Now hello I'm the seventeen year old here and seventeen should be for dancing and kissing but since I lack in one or more of those departments I decided to listen up. 

The first thing he said was make up. Now I know every guy out there always says "you're so much prettier when your natural" and "I hate the orange faced clown mask that girls think they have to wear" but trust me boys you would not want to see majority of us females in our natural habitats. We are animals and zits are not fun. Neither are high school girls. So listen up and remember: wear makeup and be beautiful because the best thing a girl can be in this world is a 

beautiful   

                 little                   

                                fool.

Second. Run fast. Put down the chocolate and pick up the ball because that's what all boys want. They want to be chased around the swings and down the hall. I tie my shoes a little to tight so I know my feet are there. So that hopefully I can find that boy and run and run and run and chase because my little brother always said that running faster will always catch them. &when you catch them, hold them. And hang on tight. 

3. Lol. Rofl. 😂. Hahhhhhahahaha:))):):)):):):))) humor is something you have or you don't so hopefully you have it cause if you don't, you're screwed. 

I don't know why I'm listening to an eight year old boy.

 I don't know why you're listening to an eight year old boy.

Four - Stop it. 

Silly that this step is five because every word is four me. love, kiss, love lots. hugs. hold. don't. lips. hate. like. like - like. take. bees. bird. bare. hand. deep. form. drug. girl. boyz. slut. hazy. idol. kook. fool. best. miss. joys. rare. hope. good. care. free. KISS. help. heal. give. home. time. cats. plus. life. done. warm. dare. grin. joke. calm. soul. soft. free. real. tool. pray. more. kiss. cure. blur. make rest. play. them. work. talk. need. more. save. lost. seek. slam. tick. tock. they. lost. unit. lips. love. kiss.
         kiss.
                     love.
                                  lots.
                                            lips.
                                                       kiss.

#stolen

i give you a thought. 

it was so sad to see him struggle this way. They were lucky. all emptiness! what happens when we keep words apart? My future was something i was looking for. but i am not sure what i think or how i feel. teenage smoking is one of the great, baffling phenomena of modern life. relax? what does it mean to relax? wooden boxes. boss. pen. she&him. something timid and weak. Making mistakes with a frequency that was frightening. never utter a foolish statement. take some $$$$. fear comes from a lack of focus! did you learn anything? that's it. I never think of the future. dress well. i tell myself it's not okay.

thick glasses, & light pink hair

Recorded by the one and only (insert 11 year old sisters name here)

The question Lone Peak asks itself daily. 

Are we human? 

or are we hipster?

for all the yesterdays and tomorrows

ya know life is a delicate thing. one minute you're here and then the next you could be gone. i could be gone. we all could be gone. 

i'm grateful god has spared me this long, he must believe in me more than my piano teacher did. she always would call me twice a week to remind me to practice, then reward me with the candy she knew i couldn't resist.  i lied about practicing. &the thing is, i don't feel guilty.

i appreciate laughs we had in my car. for the screams and ditching class. the wood park will always be our park and happy birthdays will still happen once a year.

i was scared the sun wouldn't come up today. just like it always does .... it did.

my mom asked for the pictures because all she really cares about are the pictures and her job. it shouldn't make me mad but for some reason it does. and i don't like being mad. especially today. it's sunday and i should be thinking about the lessons that were taught. but all i can think about is

you.

         and me. 

                  and death. 

                             and god. 

remembering june

He shared the beef jerky with his family, and right then I knew they had my heart. 

We were told we couldn't eat the fruit so we stole the chocolate. (in our defense we didn't know we stole it until after)

The bathrooms never worked and you made fun of my hearing.

We climbed the mountain and I got a sweaty back.

We slept on the roof and tried to talk all night. 

We spent every minute of everyday together for two and half weeks.

I was friend zoned while you went on a sunny vacation and we passed bricks.

I have never been more grateful for ice cold drinks and cement mixers because being friend zoned and the friend zone song you sang me made my june one I will never forget. thank you.

also ... RIP to the dog we named brick.

what i couldn't get out before

I've always been the middle child.

Not just with my family but everywhere. It's a disease. The "I'm not loved but I'm not hated" disease. Before I begin, let me get this straight, most of the time I AM NOT COMPLAINING. It's pretty nice not having to check in 24/7 and be able to walk in past curfew unseen because they both fell asleep. Trust me I realize it's nice. but@ the same time the tramp has gotten old. Sleeping there one to many times because they forgot I was out and locked the doors thinking they were keeping the bad guys away.

me - "Dad I'm sick."

dad- "Drink a glass of water and go to sleep."

brother- *coughs once*

dad- *schedules 2 doctor appointments just to make sure everything is ok*

That's how it goes. My body has learned and my immune system has probably never been better. I think I am more prepared then they are. I try to help by making broccoli and carrots for dinner. Her new job has helped our home and I believe that I am actually feeling better but...

My sickness has now spread to my school. Teachers were different sophomore year then they are now. I don't know if they are scared of big senior me or they think I'm contagious. They see the disease sitting on my shirt and think if they acknowledge me then they'll catch it. but YOOHOOOO I'm over here and my shirt is clean. I promise you can ask me anything. Ask about my brother it's ok that you care. Ask me what I did this weekend or what I want for my birthday. Ask me anything you want just not nothing at all. I want to be known for me and not her. I want to feel like them &be recognized for my strengths and weaknesses. I want you to criticize me sir because this silence is louder than any harsh words. I'm done sitting in my desk letting this disease kill me.

Mr. I've been sick for sometime now and this time I don't think water and sleep will cure it.